funny jokes

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist. What’s so funny about buying a rubber, anyway? So he tells his clerk, “If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes.” Sure enough, the next day the... [More...]

One day a hooker went to file her taxes, and for occupation she put prostitution. The tax collector explained that prostitution was an illegal occupation. She said she’d have to go home and think about it and that she’d call him back in a hour with her occupation. An hour later she called him and said, “I’ve got it… I’m a chicken farmer.” He said, “How do you get chicken farmer out of prostitution.” She said, “I raised over a thousand cocks last year.”  Read More →

A guy goes to the pub and says to his friend: “you won’t believe what happened. I was taking a shortcut along the railway track when I found a girl tied to it. So I untied her and we had non-stop sex for hours, all the positions, everything.” “That’s great!” replies his friend. “Did you get a blow-job?” “No,” he sighs. “I never found her head.”  Read More →

A farmer is giving his wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores. “That fellow from Sematol will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. Ive hung a nail by the right stall so youll know which one I want him to impregnate.” Satisfied that even his mentally challenged wife could understand the instructions, the farmer left for town. That afternoon, the inseminator arrives, and the wife dutifully takes him out to the barn and directly to the stall with the nail. “This is the cow right here, ” she tells him. “Whats the nail for?”... [More...]

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $5.00 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. “Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, “Can I help you?” “I was wondering”, whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?” “Yes” she purrs “I am.” The man replies “Well wash your fucking... [More...]

1 DAY A KID AFTER SCHOOL COMES HOME AND IS DOIN HIS HOME WORK WHEN HE SUDDENLY HEARS HIS SISTER TALKING ON THE PHONE HE HEARS HER TALKING TO HER FREIND SHE SAID LAST NIGHT I POP MY CHERRY AS THE KID IS THINKING TO HIMSELF I WONDER WHAT POP MY CHERRY MEANS HE THINKS ITS GETTING A CHERRY AND POPPING IT SO THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL HE ASK HIS TEACHER MR.ROB WHAT DOES POPPING THE CHERRY MEANS MR.ROB SAID YOU WILL FIND OUT WHEN YA GET OLDER.. SO THE NEXT DAY HE COMES HOME FROM SCHOOL AND AGIAN HE HEARS HIS SISTER TALKING TO HER FRIEND SHE SAID KATTY YOUR NOT GONNA BELEIVE WHO POPPED MY CHERRY REMEMBER... [More...]

A man surveys the women in a nightclub, picks out the most attractive, and takes a seat next to her at the bar. He uses all his best lines, but gets nowhere. Finally, he reaches into his pocket, takes out a small box, and pulls a frog out of it. “Cute,” says the woman. “Is that a pet?” The man smiled. “Yes, and he’s good at doing tricks too.” “Like what?” “He eats pussy. Come back to my place and I’ll prove it to you.” Once in the bedroom, the girl strips off and puts the frog between her legs. The frog doesn’t move.... [More...]

Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, “If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won’t be sent to jail.” So the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on Monday. So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how they did. ”I got 17 people to get off drugs,” says the first guy. ”Wow, how’d you do that?” asks the judge. ”I used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs... [More...]

Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day when the teacher singled him out. “If I gave you $20,” the teacher began,” and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?” “An orgy,” Johnny answered.  Read More →

A pretty girl is driving through the West. Her car runs out of gas, and an Indian comes along on a horse, and gives her a ride to a gas station. Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that would curdle milk. Finally, he drops her off with a final Yaaaaa-Hooo! and gallops off. “My God!” says the gas station guy, “What the hell were you doing to that Injun to make him holler like that?” “Why, nothing,” says the girl, “I just sat behind him with my arms around him, holding onto his saddle horn.” “Lady,”says the guy, “Indians don’t... [More...]

A psychiatrist is addressing a group of people who have all had experiences with the supernatural. He asks: “Who here has seen a ghost?” Everyone puts up their hands. He then asks: “Who here has spoken with a ghost?” Half the audience puts up their hands. “And who here has touched a ghost?” Ten percent of the crowd puts up their hands. He asks: “And who here has made love with a ghost?” One little man in the back row puts up his hand… The psychiatrist looks down from the podium at the little man and says: “Do you mean to tell me that you... [More...]

A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger walked up to him and asked, “If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?” “Hell no!” the guy said. The stranger then asked, “If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?” The man said, “Of course not.” “Wanna go camping?”  Read More →

Funny poem must look! The Creation of a Pussy Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit, Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole, Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within, Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without, Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell, Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, he touched it and blessed it, and said it could... [More...]

What do they call K-Y Jelly in Germany? Der Wienerslider  Read More →

A state trooper pulls a car over for speeding. In the car is an old lady who is hard of hearing and her husband. When the trooper asks the lady for her driver’s license the lady responds, “Heh, what did he say?” The old man speaks up as he says, “HE NEEDS YOUR DRIVER’S LICENSE.” A few minutes later the trooper comes back to the car and says, “Ma’am I see you’re from Florida.” The old lady comments, “Heh, what did he say?” The old man speaks up as he says, “HE SEES YOU’RE FROM FLORIDA.’” The old lady... [More...]