From The Category Archives:
A young man concludes that the religious life is for him. Accordingly he joins an order with a strict vow of silence. There is one exception to the rule however. Every ten years each monk is allowed to speak three words but the alloted words may be spoken only to the abbot.
Ten years pass. Our friend dutifully enters the abbot’s cell and speaks his three words. He says, “Bed is hard.”
Ten more years pass. He again enters the cell of the abbot and says, “Food is tasteless.”
His time to speak his three words comes round again after ten more years. He enters the Superior’s... [More...]
There’s a big hill. On one side of this hill sits a monastery, on the other side there is a convent. In the middle, on top of the hill, there is a pub.
One day the monks decided to go for a night out to the pub. At about 11.30pm the Abbott at the monastery receives a phone call.
“Abbott? This is Sister Virgin Helen of the Lady of Our Souls Convent. I’m afraid your monks have gotten rather drunk at the pub tonight and are on their way down the wrong side of the hill!”
The Abbott reassures her, “Don’t worry, they’ll soon realize their mistake and turn back.”
A man is ready to enter the pearly white gates of heaven and St. Peter asks, “Religion?”
The man answers, “Muslim.”
St. Peter replies, “ok, go to room 23 but be quiet as you go by room 8.”
The man says thank you and goes on his way. Another man enters and St. Peter asks, “Religion?”
The man tells Peter, “Buddhist.”
St. Peter answers, “go to room 17 but be quiet as you pass room 8.”
This man also thanks the Saint and goes to room 17. A third man comes and St. Peter asks, “Religion?”
The man answers, “Protestant.”
So the Zen master steps up to the hot dog cart and says, “Make me one with everything.”
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill. The hot dog vendor puts the bill in the cash drawer and closes the drawer.
“Where’s my change?” asks the Zen master. The hot dog vendor responds, “Change must come from within.”
Read More →
TAOISM: Shit happens.
CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, “Shit happens”.
ZEN: (What is the sound of shit happening?)
JESUITISM: If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit?
ISLAM: Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.
CATHOLICISM: Shit happens because you are bad.
PSYCHOANALYSIS: Shit happens because of your toilet training.
SCIENTOLOGY: Shit happens if you’re on our shit list.
ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.
UNITARIANISM: Maybe shit happens. Let’s have coffee and donuts.
RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this shit happen to someone else.
One say this guy was sky diving. When the man went to pull the rip cord and it wouldnt open. The man was terrified for his life. So he yelled,”Oh Buddah, save me”. So Buddah stuck his hand out and caught him. The man said,”Thank God”. Then Buddah dropped him and let him die.
Read More →
The minister of a church said to four monks “All of you can have a week off, but make sure to tell me your sins in the week.” After a week, the four monks come back. They line up. The minister asks the first monk “Tell me your sins for the week.” Themonk answered “I ran around the village nakid.” The minister said “God gorgives your sins, go drink the Holy Water.” The fourth monk laughs loudly. The minister says to the second monk, what were your sins for the week?” The monk says “I killed 4 cats and 5 dogs because I was alergic to them.”... [More...]
There once was a cannibal that was very hungry. He went to the local convent and got a monk. He went back to his house and boiled the monk. He started eating it, and he tasted terrible.
He went and asked another cannibal what he did wrong, and the 2nd cannibal said, “Monks are Friars.”
Read More →
1. Walk into a church. Sit for about 5 min. into servce. Stand up and say “Oh Sh*t This Isn’t The F*cking Wedding”. Then walk out. 2. Go over to a criing baby and say to the parent “If you don’t shut that THING up, so help me god I kill it”.
Read More →