funny jokes

The financial situation in the near term is expected to be so bad that women will start marrying for love! – Wall Street Journal  Read More →

Taking his seat in his chambers, the smart HONEST Judge faced the opposing lawyers.”So, the Judge said, I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.” Both lawyers became uncomfortable. ” You, attorney A, gave me $500,000, and you, attorney B, gave me $600,000.” The judge now reached into his pocket and pulled out $100,000. He handed it to attorney B and said… “Now that I’m returning $100,000, we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits…!!!”  Read More →

You ought to feel highly honored,” said the businessman to the life insurance agent, “so far today I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents.” “Yes, I know,” replied the agent, “I’m one of them.”  Read More →

Blutarsky’s Axiom: Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.  Read More →

Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.  Read More →

He who beats his sword into a plowshare usually ends up plowing for those who kept their swords.  Read More →

If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.  Read More →

Peter’s Principle: In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to the level of his incompetence.  Read More →

Being a good communicator means people find out what is really wrong with you.  Read More →

Familiarity breeds attempt.  Read More →

Freeman’s Commentary on Ginsberg’s theorem: Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg’s Theorem. To wit: 1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. 2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even. 3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.  Read More →

Aiming for the least common denominator sometimes causes division by zero.  Read More →

It is not sufficient to be a success; it is also necessary for your friends to be failures.  Read More →

Hugh Downs’ Four Rules for Investigating the Universe: Rule 1 – When confronted with an apparent infinite or infinitely repeating pattern, expect some variant that keeps it from being infinite. Rule 2 – When all investigation supports Rule 1, look for a situation which violates it. Rule 3 – Be prepared for an infinite oscillation between Rules 1 and 2. Rule 4 – Apply Rule 1.  Read More →

“You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……”You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox.A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one’s your turn”. Your boss is standing behind you. It’s his wife.While your boss is at lunch, you sneak in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.You return from... [More...]